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Reader Challenge: Married a Few Months and Want Out

One of my favorite romantic movies is Sleepless In Seattle. I especially enjoy the scene where bride-to-be Annie has reservations about her upcoming marriage, so she pays a visit to her brother, Dennis, a very non-emotional psychiatrist. Annie paces back-and-forth in his office and tries to make sense of her feelings. Dennis very calmly informs her that love is simply "two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match." :)

What makes this so funny is that in some ways that is a great description of marriage: all the neurotic tendencies and annoying habits of one person are now blended with those of another.  

I thought of that conversation between Annie and Dennis after I read a very sad email from someone who got married a few months ago, but already felt the marriage wasn't working for them. In their own words, they "want out," but are conflicted about the embarrassment that such a short union will cause them.

So today I want to offer two general pieces of advice to all those who are newly married (or beginning a serious relationship).

If it's a non-moral issue, let it be a non-issue. There are naturally going to be irritations about the other person that annoy you. I've heard about couples having fights about the silliest things: how to squeeze the toothpaste, whether the toilet roll should face up or down, the "right" way to load the dishwasher, etc. 

All these little neuroses have nothing to do with someone treating you well; they just have different habits. Let these little things go because they don't matter.

If it's a moral issue, confront it immediately. If your spouse/significant other is behaving in a way that is immoral - being unfaithful, physically or emotionally abusive, has an addiction to drugs or alcohol, in other words something very serious that will impact your life together - then those moral issues need to be addressed right away.

If there is a moral issue that you discover about your spouse - whether you have been together for two months or two decades - you must confront them about it despite how uncomfortable and painful it may be.

Marriage is a very complicated institution. The only people who can know exactly what is occurring within the complexities of that union are the two individuals who are married.

Deciding when to leave a romantic relationship is a very personal, and often painful, decision. For a silly issue, work through it (example: if you two have different definitions of what a "messy" kitchen is). For a serious issue, sometimes the best choice is to leave (example: if you two have different definitions of what a "faithful" marriage is).

It's certainly understandable how someone could feel embarrassed after leaving a marriage that has only lasted a few months. But in such a situation, it's best to listen to your own heart rather than any inappropriate comments from others. Stay positive, and keep your heart open for a better and more compatible union in the future. 
By: Kristia Markarian

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Charles and I were both thrilled when we received this wedding invitation in the mail last week. (I have blocked out the name of the couple in respect of their privacy.)

Our soon-to-be married friends attended our...
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One of the most memorable quotes from Mother Teresa is when she stated, "What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family."

This was not the answer that many were expecting. But oftentimes the simplest suggestions are the most profound. 

Peace must begin in our homes before it can spread to the world. And for peace to be in our home, it must first be inside each of us.

These are troubling times and there is great division in our country. This presidential election cycle is...
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Leisure Is Not Lazy

It is a common Buddhist practice to occasionally meditate on the possibility of your death within a few months. The purpose of this is not to be morbid or think negatively. The reason for this meditation is to increase gratitude and, if applicable, to make necessary changes to reflect your priorities.

It's often been observed that a person's final thoughts are never that they should have spent more time in the office.

In keeping with the meditation mentioned above, if you knew you only had...
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My Journey to More Sharing

A secondary title to this piece is "My Journey to Instagram," as I am now on that social media. (I've asked my web developer to add a direct link on the top left of this page, but until then you can access my page here.) 

I hesitated a long time, as I'm already on Twitter (very reluctantly, and only to announce a new article) and Facebook (which is surprisingly enjoyable). But Instagram, which is a picture-sharing program, was bewildering to me.

Husband gently nudged me. "It will be...
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Happy Independence Day 2016

On this Independence Day, I am so thankful for our Founding Fathers for their vision for our country. I am equally grateful for our soldiers and their victories for our country. And, as always, I am remembering all those who, like my brother Sgt. Jon, paid the ultimate price for our freedom.

God Bless America always! 
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I am glad you’re here!

This website is for ALL of us. CHONJ is a compassionate community that strives to be positive and uplifting as we help and connect with one another.

My name is Kristia Cavere Markarian. My husband, Charles Markarian, and I are soulmates who spend practically every minute of the day together. Our goal is that you feel better about yourself and the world every time you visit our website.

There are many challenging situations we are facing today, from being overscheduled and overwhelmed, to facing technological distractions. We want to assist you in navigating through all these circumstances, so you can become the best you are meant to be. We will help you become the hero of your life’s journey.

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